SUPER NEWS: MARTIAN MOUNTAIN COASTER ANNOUNCED

Just a few short weeks after successful launch, Emon Lusk has announced a partnership with Bale Resorts to be the first private company to build a Mountain Coaster on the surface of Mars. Initially, Bale Resorts had their eyes set on the moon, but after the exposure and success of launching the Billionaires personal vehicle into orbit, they set their eyes on a bigger prize.

“Mars just seemed like the right place for a mountain coaster. With low competition, and really not much else for visitors to keep amused, we knew we had to make a move before someone else beat us.” Said Bale Resorts Chief Marketing Director in a private interview. “We chose a gorgeous spot on Olympus Mons with out of this world views. Our goal is to create an experience guests will remember forever.”

Mars only has 38% of the gravity compared to Earth, and Lusk has been tasked with taking the necessary steps to make sure guests will still have a memorable experience. Lusk’s plans currently include using an electromagnetic field on the 3000ft track to propel thrillseekers down the track, to the unloading dock where riders will exit through the gift shop.  

“We plan on launching our initial payload & construction crew in April of 2018, so that construction may begin around January 2019.” Stated Lusk “Our goal is to have The Martian Coaster completed by May 2020, so that we will be ready for peak summer tourism.”

“The Martian Coaster will be phase 1 of Bale Resort’s expansion to the stars. If all goes right, we plan on bringing a first of its kind terra-formed 4 season resort & waterpark within 10 years. At the end of the day, we don’t want people to feel ‘bored’ on their Martian Vacation, and we want to secure early dominance in TripAdvisor ratings.” Bale Resorts Chief Marketing Director followed up with. “It’s all about keeping guests entertained. Sure, Mars may have unimaginable hiking, biking, & skiing opportunities, but we want to make sure guests also have first class amenities.”

Want to be one of the first riders of The Martian Coaster? Bale Resorts ended their statement saying they will be scrolling through relevant hashtags on Instagram for Social Media Influencers to be part of this journey.

“We just want to keep things #authentic and want real people, with a lot of followers, to experience this attraction first. We will be searching for Instagrammers, Youtubers, and Influencers to share this exciting time with us.”

To be considered for this once and a lifetime experience, share your most extreme Mountain Coaster photo using #MakeMarsMoreFun before June 1st, 2018.


**This is obviously a work of satire**